If anyone, then, knows the good they ought do and does not do it, it is sin for them. ~ James 4:17
It is easy to make goals and plans, but to take that first step is often difficult. The things we want most can be filled with emotion, which serve as a distraction, but the biggest way to fail is to never take the first step.
My weight has been an issue for me as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I was made fun of and had to buy clothes bigger than most my peers. Now I look back on my high school pictures in size 12-14 pants and think why did I care so much that I was the biggest of my friends? I was beautiful and while may 10-15 lbs overweight, nothing like now. But it did bother me in high school, I wouldn’t eat lunch, I would try different “diets”… I even went 1 year cutting out chips and ice cream, I don’t remember if it really effected my weight, but I was proud of my self control.
In college though living alone, I could eat however I wanted and didn’t make much time for exercise. I made tons of bad choices then would try to eat healthy or skip a meal and then binge. Over the years, increased emotional eating and more sedentary lifestyle lead to me doubling my high school weight. I have been able to lose 30-50 lbs pretty easy, but moving or life drama or pregnancy or boredom eating would put those pounds right back on in half the time it took to take them off.
I want to be physically healthy. I want to have energy. I want to model healthy eating for everyone in my life, but it is hard and I have given up on myself more times than I can count. In January, Ian and I were getting rid of some or our excess stuff and decided to sell our dusty treadmill, because I had quit using it. I regretted it, because I knew I needed to use it. I needed to do sit-ups and planks, squats and leg lifts, but I stopped myself. As much as I want to be fit and see my outer beauty that I remember from my old self again, I am afraid, what if I do all these things and fail. What if I can’t loose all the weight I want? What if my energy is still low? What if my fertility doesn’t increase (post for another day)? What if I am still not happy with my physical self?
When you’ve been in a rut for a long time, it is so easy to get lost in the what if’s and other distractions that prevent taking the first steps. This last weekend Ian and I bought another treadmill. This morning was the first morning I planned on using it. I went to bed 45 minutes earlier last night. After helping get Ian off to work, I was able to get right back to sleep, but when my alarm went off this morning, I almost didn’t get up. I was tired and would a little walking this morning really help me? But I did get up and I did walk, I didn’t walk as long as I had planned, but it still felt great and I can’t wait for Friday (I walk with my sister Tuesdays and Thursdays). It was hard and I know that I will still struggle some mornings, but I also know that the work will pay off. I will be happier with myself for following through. I will be proud when my body changes.
What goals have you been slow to start? What is holding you back? Make a commitment today to make a step, no matter how small to reaching that goal. If you need someone to talk to, send me a message, while I can’t take that step for you, I would love to be on your cheer squad, because we all need a little help and support. We use the phrase “it takes a village” when raising kids, but I argue it doesn’t stop at adulthood, we need a village everyday to support us in reaching our hardest goals.
- Picture: Left May 2019, Right Summer 2004