Like my post near Mother’s Day, I don’t really like having one day set aside for a parent, because we should love and honor them year round. Thought out gifts and visits shouldn’t be reserve for a national holiday or birthday, but should be given as frequently as the relationship allows. Since I had discussed this in depth around Mother’s Day, I thought for this Father’s Day post I would just share a little anecdote about my dad.
I love my dad. He is a great man, kind, caring and loves his family deeply, though sometimes you have to read between the lines because we (my mom, sister and I) talk about the dark cloud he has over his head. It’s not that he is depressed, sad or mopey, but he is realistic about the bad as much as the good. It took me a long time to realize he didn’t point of the negatives of a situation to try and put anyone down, but to help those who like to see the glass half-full, see that it is half-empty as well.
When I was pregnant with John, I was about 20 weeks along when Ian went back on the road trucking, so my calls to my parents increased for support. One evening I was talking with Dad and he asks, “So do you have a plan?” And I told him that I was realistic and that I wanted to have a natural birth, but wasn’t going to refuse a c-section if needed. He listened and then he asked if I had thought about the worst… like if a medical emergency so bad that Baby John or I might die.
Now most people might take this as a taxing question to put on an emotional pregnant woman, who has no physical support in close range and is having a difficult time adjusting to her husband’s re-found career that kept him away from home for just over 8 weeks, but I appreciated it. My dad cared about me and wanted me to really think about what I wanted to be done, if things went south. That night I told him I would think about it and really make a plan. I researched frequent complications, medicines, and treatments. I was able to give my husband, sister and mom in case of emergency plans. I was able to Write out medical procedures that were okay and when I thought it would be best to let me go, if things were bad. I was able to talk to Ian that if something went really wrong organ donation was something I wanted not only for me but for our infant (if he would not survive and was eligible).
Everyone else in my life at that moment was focusing me on the positives, the joy of having a baby, the good that Ian was working, but Dad loved me enough to point out not just that this was a good time, but that there are risks and I needed to think about how I wanted them handled. When we moved, well Mom and Dad, moved Ian and I’s stuff as I was 34 weeks pregnant. It was such a relief to be able to talk to the new medical staff, about my thoughts, because the research was done. Then when I was over due and told I would need to be induced, I already knew that there were certain inducing medications that were better than others with less risk of complications.
I have told this story to a few other moms and at the beginning they’ve respond with “how could he ask you that” or “that wasn’t very nice.” But for me that was my dad loving me and caring. I couldn’t imagine Dad any other way and appreciate that dark cloud that helps him see the world as it really is.