A little over 4 years ago, I was nearly a year into motherhood and feeling a bit frazzled. I knew I needed some self-care and so in addition to the normal healthy habits resolutions, I bought myself this little book. You know, because it is so easy to sit and read and journal, when you have a half hour to yourself with a toddler. It is a 30 day faith retreat. I thought it would help inspire me to take a little me time, deepen my faith and rejuvenate my love in general. However life had other plans.
I restarted this book 3 times in the past 4 years, never making it to day 10… I knew I needed this and I really wanted to do it, but making the time was hard. In my down time the last few years I wanted to mentally escape, whether tv, movie or nap, if it required thought I was not doing it, not using the precious moments of silence on something that made me think. It was awful and so unfulfilling.
As I settled down this fall, after moving I said I don’t care about the new year I’m starting these habits right now. I reread my responses to the few days I had done earlier in 2020 and said yep those still hold true no need to start over and just plugged along. I missed a few days but I really enjoyed my time. I would sit down with my tea (yes, I have started drinking tea, a shock for those who know me) in the morning and even if every one was up and pestering me, I did read what I needed to read and if I couldn’t journal right then, I would make a point to come back to it when I could.
I finished Day 30 this morning and I couldn’t be more happy or proud of myself. It is such a small thing, but it feels like such a big win. After 4 years it feels like I have finally allowed myself to develop a routine that gives me time for my goals. Even more than that the dread that I felt about being required to think beyond normal everyday thoughts is completely gone, I relish in the questions and continue pondering several of them even now. Is this book the best book in the world or one that I would recommend to everyone? No, while it was a satisfying for me, it was about what I needed to do for myself. I needed the goal of finishing that 30 days to push me through the hump of depression/dissatisfaction in my life.
I am so thankful that I have finally pushed myself to accomplish this small goal even after 4 years. It took letting go of my expectation of what my me time would look like, but letting that go and allowing my time to just be what it is, lets me enjoy each moment as it comes.
Do you have little goals that keep popping up, month after month or year after year? What is holding you back for accomplishing them?